A day at the beach

So, we are currently on Caleb's first trip out of Utah. He has done incredibly well; slept for at least 2/3 of the ride down, didn't cry when everyone's ears popped from the altitude change, and has been happy as usual. Unfortunately, yesterday, our first full day here in San Diego, he had a bit of a rough afternoon. We went to the beach. I suck his little feet I'm the water, but that was cold, so didn't make him very happy. But he was fine. And then I went to play and angie watched him for a bit. She's so cute with the little ones. But while I was playing he got hungry. And then he screamed.
So...I guess I never finished this one...but anyways, that's life.

Baby...

well, baby parties are going to happen. In just a couple of months. Pretty exciting, right? haha. My baby's supposed to come in a month. Laura's in 4 months, Cherry's in 6, Michelle's in maybe 7 or 8... not sure about that one... I should check. And Rachel's baby came last week :) Plus, Nikki's will be here in a few months, Logan's here, and... lots and lots of Babies.
My little man's been pretty active this morning. I think he misses his daddy... :) Matt's gone all weekend, to California for the reptile expo in LA. I'm kinda sad, but really, it's not a big deal. mostly means I can sleep whenever I want... and on whatever side of the bed I want... :) But I do miss him. That fellow's my favorite. but thank goodness it was now instead of in a couple of weeks-I wouldn't have let him go if it were any later. I will not have him be gone when I have this baby. He'll be with me, whether he likes it or not!
In other news, I still have 3 jobs, but now I'm cutting down my hours so my total will be closer to 15 hours a week instead of 40. which means much smaller paychecks, so that sucks. But... not working all the time will be nice. maybe I'll finally be able to shake this cold. And so far, my classes are fabulous. and my teachers are great. so, I can handle this whole thing. 

Baby Stuff.

http://apps.facebook.com/sweepstakeshq/contests/154757/invites/new?just_entered=true&show_newsfeed=1

I entered a sweepstakes for a bundle of baby stuff... Hope I can win it, cause this is all stuff I will be in desperate need of next February!
I'll post more later.

So Great Were The Blessings of The Lord

Chapter 17

Nephi is commanded to build a ship—His brethren oppose him—He exhorts them by recounting the history of God’s dealings with Israel—Nephi is filled with the power of God—His brethren are forbidden to touch him, lest they wither as a dried reed. About 592–591 B.C.

1And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and ^awade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our ^bwomen did bear children in the wilderness.

 2And so great were the ^ablessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon ^braw ^cmeat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

 3And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and ^astrengthenthem, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did ^bprovide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

Pretty Awesome, that we can absolutely depend on the Lord, even in cases of extreme hardship, when we keep His commandments and try to always continue in His ways.

 8And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me, saying: Thou shalt ^aconstruct a ship, after the ^bmanner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy people across these waters.

 9And I said: Lord, whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make ^atools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?

 10And it came to pass that the Lord told me whither I should go to find ore, that I might make tools.

The Lord gives Commands-Like Multiply and Replenish the Earth. We may not have the resources we need or desire in order to do so, but if we ASK, The Lord knows exactly what we should do, where we should go, and He will provide.

 12For the Lord had not hitherto suffered that we should make much fire, as we journeyed in the wilderness; for he said: I will make thy food become sweet, that ye ^acook it not;

 13And I will also be your ^alight in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the ^bpromised land; and ye shall ^cknow that it is by me that ye are led.

Sometimes, we have to go without light for a time. But The Lord is leading us. He sometimes keeps us in the dark so we have more faith in Him.

This is pretty much exactly what I've needed the last few weeks. Struggling financially, feeling the burdens of living on my own and having to pay bills, pay for everything I want to do, pay for everything I need to do. It's rough. And, we're going to have a baby. Still 6 months away, but there are things that need to happen now. I've been questioning how we're going to get everything done and pay for it all. There are obviously things we can cut from our budget, things that we don't need to spend money on. But there are also things that are absolutely necessary, but take a lot of money. The school year's about to start again. We're both back down to 20 hours a week when that happens, cutting our income again. I'm looking for another job that will pay a little better and be closer to my life goals. But, things happen. We'll make it. We know that. But will we be able to make it good? I mean, of course it will be good. We'll be together. I will always be happy just to have my wonderful husband by my side. But... there's always that haunting question-will we be able to survive on our meager incomes? But reading through this scripture has just filled my heart and soul with the comfort I've been seeking. I know that we are doing what The Lord wants us to do. And we are working hard to provide for ourselves. He'll do the rest.

The Border Between Faith and Skepticism

Today, I was thinking about the Prophet in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time Series. The Prophet saw a vision, a man clothed in glory claiming to be the Dragon Reborn. It was, in fact, one of the Forsaken, spouting lies and convincing the Prophet to do awful, hurtful things that would contribute to the Chaos in the world. Of course, this makes no sense to one who is unfamiliar with the genius of Robert Jordan, but there are a lot of similarities between this tale and the religion that I have chosen to believe in. The Dragon is a being who brought chaos to the world in his first life, but managed to imprison the Lord of the Dark for a time, then died. Reborn, he is to bring salvation to the same world he once wracked in chaos, fighting the Dark Lord and freeing the world from his power. As a Christian, I believe that the Lord will come again to reign in glory and imprison Satan, bringing salvation to all the world. But is it possible to be entangled in the mess Satan is making, while believing you are doing the will of the Lord? Something similar happens in the Alvin Maker series by Orson Scott Card. The preacher has frequent visions in which he is told to destroy things that are in reality good, and to spread lies as truth. The "angel" he sees in vision is actually the great serpent-The Devil. I know these are both novels, and fiction, but I believe similar situations can happen in life. So, where do we draw the line? We are told to have complete faith, and that if we strive to know God now, when the time comes to meet Him face to face, we will recognize Him without fail. But at the same time, Satan, the Father of Lies, is incredibly good at deception. He can know what we picture God to look like, and can change His image to project our beliefs. At least I think so. So, at what point do we stop believing completely and begin to question the legitimacy of the beings in front of us? I am not, by any means, advocating blind faith. I think that everyone should come to a realization of what they believe wholly on their own, relying on their own knowledge, research, and feelings, hopefully with the spirit of God guiding them to find what's right. I guess, if I actually think a little bit, the answer is quite simple-question enough to know the answers, but don't take your questioning past the point of faith. It is incredibly possible to have faith while still questioning the important issues. I've done it my whole life.

Life, The Universe, and Everything

Life's a complicated thing. It never will cease to be complicated. You're always going to have to deal with the hassle of making and spending money, keeping a job (Or multiple jobs), building, keeping, breaking relationships. Sometimes, the things you want or need are impossible to have. Sometimes, the things you don't need, you don't realize or don't want. Sometimes, the world slaps you in the face. Other times, you can just be grateful. You can recognize the good.

I've had one of the most interesting semesters of my life this past winter semester. First off, I got married. Then, I was in a World Religions course and a Teachings of Isaiah course, in addition to my Psychology classes and a Music class. It was a very culturally enlightening semester. I still don't understand the appeal of modern art or why feminists feel the way they do, or how to counsel troubled children. But I understand a lot more about myself, about the way I interact with the world, and about the woman who I want to become. I think I've come closer this semester to becoming that woman. Through living with a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with and beyond, I've had to look at myself through a new set of eyes, working towards a more patient and loving demeanor. I'm sometimes not a very nice person. I wouldn't want to live with me a lot of the time if I wasn't me. It's been rough. but I'm learning. and my classes this semester have actually helped me learn how to be a better person, both to my husband and to everyone else.

Have you ever looked at the world through a lens totally different than the one you're used to? Have you asked questions, and tried to understand someone else's point of view? I've been doing that a lot lately. Though I don't understand sometimes how people can be as happy as is possible holding the views they have, I understand a lot more about why they have those views, and the reasoning behind their opinions and beliefs.

I've also been talking to my grandfather a lot lately. He is a Catholic, and I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which he will never ever be ok with. He's devoted much of his life to discrediting the leaders and foundations of my religion. And he usually tells true stories about what's happened in the history of my church. However, he is often misinformed, and because he will never listen with anything like an open mind, he'll never learn the truth of what I believe. I spent a lot of time asking him about his beliefs, and almost every time, he would say a sentence or two about his beliefs and then go on about why I am wrong. It's a hard thing to know that regardless of what you say, your grandfather, a man who should bring joy and love into his grandchildrens' lives, will consistently choose to say that you are totally wrong in your whole system of belief and life. I feel like I've studied things out, and I know the reasons I believe the way I do, and they're pretty valid in my mind. I'm not following blindly, but it feels like he thinks I am. It's just so funny because I am constantly asking him questions, trying to understand him, but he will never even make an effort to understand me. For a little bit, I felt like I was gaining his respect in a small way. But then I said one thing wrong and he shut himself off again. What a sad life to be so unwilling to bend. and so far distanced from everyone you should love and who loves you.

Another thing that happened this semester through my classes and self reflection is the goals I had and the plans I had for my life after college have gone Kaplooey. I realized that I don't want to study children. I love children. I want to play with children and help children. But doing research on them and testing them is not something I'm interested in doing for the rest of my life. I love learning about religions, and about peoples and cultures and motivations. I don't know how much I want to go to graduate school anymore. If I did go to graduate school, I think I would just want to study for the sake of learning. Which is great. but, expensive. If I could grow up and be a scholar and a parent and a teacher and a helper, I'd be fine with that. Maybe I'll just be on the PTA, make sure that the kids in my area have opportunities for good fun. I just don't know anymore. For so long I was so sure of what I wanted to do, the direction I was pointing my life in, and now... I don't know. I've been looking for jobs working with special education kids, I think that would make me really happy. Hopefully I'll get one.

The changes that have happened inside of my mind and self have been kind of huge this year. In the last twelve months, so many things have happened that have totally changed my life, and my outlook on life.

So, as life continues, I keep growing and learning. It's kind of an amazing thing that happens.

Oaks

I just stood a few feet from an apostle of the Lord. I was in the same room as him, just for a brief Moment. Elder Dallin H. Oaks is speaking today at the President's Meeting at BYU, and My boss is a department head, and she needed her computer. And I got to bring it up to her. That man is amazing. The spirit that emanates from all of the Lord's apostles is almost tangible. I stayed outside the door listening for a little bit, I couldn't for long because I had to get back to work. But I heard him speaking in an intimate and personal setting. Not to me. And all I got from what he was saying is that we need to uphold the Constitution, to live up to the standards the Founding Fathers set and had for this nation. But that's enough. He speaks for the Lord. Wow. So amazing. I'm so blessed to be in this place where apostles come regularly, to have the opportunity to see and hear them so regularly. A few weeks ago, I went to the Stake Conference for the stake Matt's cousins are in. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke. So strong and wonderful. I wasn't nearly as close to him-in fact almost a whole building's length. But the power of the Lord that he has with him Filled and enveloped that room. Two weeks ago, I got to watch General Conference. I heard many of the Lord's chosen apostles speak with power and goodness to fill my heart with gladness and my mind with inspiration. Last Sunday, at my own Stake Conference, Elder D. Todd Christofferson spoke in both sessions I was able to go to. He spoke about marriage, and life, and so much goodness. Nobody with an open heart and mind, being in the presence of these men, can deny that they speak with the power of God. They have that power in their souls, in their hearts, in their eyes. I'm so grateful for them, and for the opportunity that I have right now to be so often in their presence. It makes me even more excited to obey the commandments and keep my covenants and learn all that I can so that I can feel that same wonderful power from it's source-the Savior. When He comes again, I want to be ready. I want to be as perfect as I can be. I'm not there yet. I don't know nearly enough. But hopefully, right now, I'm closer than I was last year, or last month, or last week. I know that every day I work towards that goal, I get a little closer, just through having that desire. The days I don't work towards it, just standing still, is moving backwards. Because the Gospel is moving forward, and if I don't move forward with it every moment of every day, I'll be left in the dust. Every day brings us closer to the day when Christ will return to reign on the Earth, and with that every day, I need to bring myself closer to Him.I also had the amazing experience this semester of being in a "Teachings of Isaiah" Course. It has made the urgency in my mind sprout and grow, and the desire to become what Christ would have me be. All of my classes this semester have been so inspiring, and made me want to become something more than what I am, even more than what my own goals for myself have been.Speaking of Oaks. It's easy for me to see how people can decide to go with Paganistic religions. Because in Nature is the place it is easiest to feel God's presence. The problem is differentiating between God's presence in nature and Nature gods.

I'm so excited fo

r spring to finally be here. It's come and gone and come and gone, every week brings at least one more f

rost, but as soon as the frost is gone, most days, the world is beautiful and growing and warm and lovely. But it's always temporary. I can't wait. I love beauty and warmth, and it's starting to come.

Life is good.