Right now, I'm feeling a little bit like I'm just not supposed to have friends. Every time I plan a day to go see someone, we all end up being sick. Or something else crazy happens like our car breaks down. And I've been feeling like none of my friends make the effort to plan days either. Maybe it's just because I'm a crazy radical now, and nobody likes hanging out with me. Or maybe it's that they all have new friends who are closer, and I'm just a loner. I just haven't made a connection with anyone around me, and I feel a little bit like Matt and Julie are my only friends. I don't know whether it's me-and I'm just not a good friend-or it's the changing we've all done, or it's my crazy ideas about the way the world is, or just the distance. I've really been feeling alone lately though. And it's ok. but it's hard.

ah, the uninformed masses

there is a big problem with the internet. it makes people think they know more than they do.
I've fallen prey to this trap myself. many times. nobody is immune. today though, I came across a great example of this. my friend posted a picture of someone mocking "alternative medicine" because it "doesn't work". this friend likes to be ironic and enjoys making fun of other lifestyles (obviously), but his post wasn't what got me. so many comments on the original post were so full of it that it was honestly laughable. obviously, this goes for both sides of the issue; there were some mainstreamers spewing their word vomit and some hippies spewing theirs, none of them actually knowing what they were talking about, just repeating the garbage they hear from whichever type of media they hear/read/watch/whatever. and there were a few decent comments. people forget though, that this isn't an issue of which works and which doesn't, but when to use which. Both work. Both have been proven. Herbs and homeopathy and chinese medicine and chiropractic/massage therapy all work. They have been used since the beginning of Time to heal the sick and to keep sickness at bay. However, they are often less potent than modern medicine. So when you become sick enough that your good diet and "alternative" medicine are no longer helping, go to the doctor. Use modern medicine. Don't go to the doctor for every cold, every sinus infection, every fever. That's how superbugs are born. That's how we develop resistance to medications. That's how we get more side effects than our bodies can handle and become immunocompromised because we have to be on 15 medications to control the side effects from our original medication. There is a time for everything, and people on both sides of this stupid issue don't realize it.
One person decided he really wanted to show off his idiocy today. He said that most of the pharmaceuticals contain the same components as the herb, so it's exactly the same thing. Oh, how I wish correcting fallacies on the internet actually worked. yes. many pharmaceuticals do contain components that they share with herbs, and that do similar things. But he's forgetting that whenever anything is in its whole form, it is better for us and better absorbed into the system. If you manufacture calcium so it has exactly the same chemical components as it has in food, you will still not reap the benefits you would from actually consuming the food with the calcium in it. Because our bodies were designed to eat whole foods. Not bits and chemicals from within the food. We need the fibers, the proteins, and the sugars within our foods to all act together with the minerals to give us what we need. Yeah, the manufactured stuff will still get into your system and help a little bit. But it won't work with your body the way whole foods (or herbs) will. That's what makes the side effects.
But that's neither here nor there. Because people will believe what they want, regardless of what the research actually says. They will listen to the dogmas of whatever side of any issue they choose to be on. They'll refuse to see the benefits of both sides. because that's how so many of us are. People probably think I'm the same way-especially because most of what I believe is not mainstream, and I defend my choices. But I have researched. I have looked at both sides of most issues, and have reevaluated my stance on several things when I see new information. I have come to the information that I receive with a prayerful heart, looking for answers as to what I should do in my life, and have come to the decision that so far, I'm doing what I need. But no matter what, I'll keep looking for answers and keep searching for truth. I try to avoid using the catchphrases of any group, and I find my own path. and I keep my path to myself. because no matter your intentions, people think any suggestion of a way other than their own is a personal attack. No more comments on controversies. No more trying to educate

On sin and bigotry

The other day, I was called a bigot. Let's define that term. The dictionary says it is "a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion." But apparently, the online community thinks it means "anyone who thinks that Hell is a place and people can go there for sinning/doing things that I think are sins". To give a little background, I was on a parenting forum. Most of the ideas I espouse in my parenting and my lifestyle in general are relatively liberal. Some would even say progressive, though if looked at from the point of view of the history of the Earth, they're all VERY conservative. So most of the people on the forums that I've chosen to associate with are also relatively liberal-in ideas and in politics. The big difference, of course, is that I am religious (not just spiritual) and I believe that there is Truth (not just truth). So, the topic of homosexuality came up. I said basically that I'll teach my kids that we believe that homosexuality is a sin, because we should all teach our children the morality that we believe in, but that there's a big discussion about this that nobody can seem to be civil about. Then ensued one of the biggest name-calling and religion bashing fests I have seen. There were people who said that any god who pays that much attention to the details of his subjects lives is not worth worshiping. There were others who said that anyone who believes that one group of people are going to Hell is a bigot. This is what got me. Because even though I believe homosexuality is a sin, I don't believe that all homosexuals are going to Hell. So, I don't deserve to be called a bigot. I'm not intolerant of homosexuality, and I don't discriminate against homosexuals. I have so many friends and even a few family members who are homosexual, and I love them so much!
This is the discussion that can never truly be had though, because even though it's simple to me, so few would be willing to look at what I'm saying and the tone in which I'm saying it.
Homosexuality (and any fornication)is a sin. So is being quick to anger. So is failing to honor your parents. So is taking the name of the Lord in vain, stealing, coveting, etc. Sins can be repented of. We all have tendencies toward sin. My biggest one is a tendency to anger and impatience, especially with those I love. It is something that I have to repent of every single day, and one I hope to be able to overcome someday. When looked at through the viewpoint that everybody has certain temptations and certain tendencies that they have to repent of and overcome, homosexuality is just another one. It's one that thankfully, I don't really have to deal with. But I have other issues. We all have issues. We shouldn't judge another person because their issues and temptations are different than ours, because it's not our place to judge. But we can teach our children that though they may have those feelings, they're not appropriate and should be repented of. If they choose to make decisions despite what we've taught them, that's fine. It's their life, we have agency for a reason. But I want to know, as a mother, that I have taught my children what I believe is right.

Who knows what's going to happen. Believing in sin is not bigotry. believing that any one group of people is going to Hell despite their own beliefs and actions is. There's a difference. I promise.

Home

Having a house is a big deal. There are so many things that simply living in an autonomous house rather than a complex or condo or apartment or even a basement apartment will make easier and better. Take, for example, Naptime. Caleb sleeps a lot. And it takes a bit for him to wake up. Neighbors screaming in excitement or a tantrum does it though. Every time. We like to keep our window open because of the lovely airflow that allows. Not that having the window closed makes much of a difference in the nose level we hear up here. Our bedroom just happens to be located directly above our front door and the neighbors'. So even with the window closed, we get the pleasure of hearing every conversation, every door opening and closing, every visitor ringing either doorbell or knocking on either door. Of course, every once in a while you hear hilarious things like, awww man, why'd you poop your pants...but those are few and far between.
Another perk of a separate house is that I'll be able to give birth in my home, rather than once again driving twenty minutes to the location at which I'd like my baby to be born. Still have to figure out what's going to happen with the Taylors when my next little one is born. Oh well.
Other advantages-my own backyard, the possibility of a garden as big as I can make it, the capability of my children to pay safely and have fun without leaving my sight, even if I'm inside and they're out, etc.

Ok. I think I'm done with my little rant. I'm incredibly grateful to be living in such a comfortable house, just every once in a while thin walls and no privacy gets the better of me

Landlords

So, I think the most interesting thing about renting is that you always have to make a good impression on your landlords. If they don't like you out you don't clean to their satisfaction, they can kick you out. So, in spite of the fact that we are two families, with two babies living in one house with white walls, floors, and carpets, we are expected to keep the house basically spotless. Of course I'm the one who set the precedent in the current house. Living with the landlord in Hawaii for about a week,  I was able to keep my stuff organized and her stuff clean very well. I was single, leaving most of my stuff in Hawaii over the break so I only had a suitcase and a half, and had a lot of time to burn since many of my friends were already gone for the summer. But, I set the precedent, and therefore caused the expectation. In the last house, the landlords liked me well enough that the mess didn't bother them too much. The house before that, we had a lot more room, no baby, and more time because we were a ten minute walk from school, so keeping things clean was easier. We better get into a house of our own soon, where we can make all the mess we want without negative repercussions from some higher power and clean when we want. Gotta happen before we have many more kids-they are so good at making messes! Anyways. We spent the day cleaning like mad, because the property manager is coming over tomorrow morning. Looks pretty good, except the dishes aren't done...and I will probably end up having to finish them. Lame. Whatever though. But the carpets were getting to the point they were scary.  Cleaned. Stinky stuff? All out of the house. Rabbit, snake, frog, and lizard cages are clean, and the floor in there swept. Julie even did the kitchen floor-looks awesome. Too bad we don't have the motivation to clean like this more. But it definitely takes a toll on the babies-both were exhausted and ready for bed around 7.  So...its a tradeoff, for sure. But I so love having a clean house. My room is the worst thing now. So much laundry to do!

Todays news

Binkies are definitely one of caleb's favorite toys, close behind my phone and the toy piano. The problem is,  he only likes toys when he's in a good mood. Oh well. In other news, black beans score a high rating on the tasty scale, but very low on digestibility. Haha
I've also decided that although school sucks, I have very little reason to complain. My husband could be in the military. He could, like so many others, get deployed to go fight and maybe die in a war that we as a country have no business participating in. These next 9 or so months that we need to finish school ink are nothing compared to the 9 or more months that wives, mothers, and children have to near while their fathers or husbands or sons are off fighting.so I'm grateful to not have that trial at least

School

It's the third day of school. My husband is no longer my husband, first and foremost. He is now a student, bowing to the whims of the bloodthirsty vampire that is the American education system. They suck away all our money through exorbitant prices for books and tuition, not to mention the mandatory health insurance. Then, they suck away all the time we might have had together through working (as much as possible still doesn't cover rent) and homework! I can't even talk to him because I don't want to break his focus and lose his place. And what is it all for? A little piece of paper, and a permanent record that says he took all kinds of classes, spent all his money, and learned what he could have learned better (probably more efficiently too!) Outside of the classroom, inside of a classroom. Not even for a job. He's got one, one that wouldn't require him to finish this craphole they call school. But if he wants to do more, he's gotta do it. It's retarded. This stupid world we live in requires that people, instead of having real experience, go to school and learn in classrooms from people who also generally don't have much real experience. That degree is all important. Ridiculous.

Sweet

Tonight Matt did an adorable thing. He came up with me when I came to or Caleb To bed, we read our scriptures, and he stayed in bed and took his glasses off. I asked him if he wad staying all night, excited of course to actually be able to fall asleep with my husband next to me and he said he wanted to cuddle with me for a little bit. At that, he did. Loved it. And after a couple of minutes he was completely asleep. Which is how he still is. Silly man, thinking he can do everything on no sleep. I'm glad his body takes care of him.

Caleb and some other thoughts

Caleb is a very contemplative little one, I think. I bet he grows up to be a lot like his dad...thoughtful, especially before speaking and even more where offense is possible. Unable to start a new task until he comes to a good breaking point or finishes what he's working on :). Right now he's 7 months old and totally capable of rolling over, pulling himself up, etc. but he never does. I think he's not going to roll over until he's got a reason to-like knowing how to crawl. And until that happens, he's content with laying on his back or sitting up. He's so cute. Every morning, he wakes up, looks up at me and smiles when I greet him. He's got the cutest little smile. It fills up his whole face with his dimples and big grin. And lately, he's been doing a funny chuckle thing when he thinks something is funny. His first laugh was just an intake of air, so he sounded a little bit like a frog. Then, about a month ago he started giggling, but only when Matt would tickle him or something. But then, a couple weeks ago, he just started busting out this guffaw. I wish I could post it up here, but I don't think I have any recordings of it-it always happens very unexpectedly. But I love it, to no end :) what an adorable kid. I don't know how I got so lucky, to have the handsomest, most loyal and incredible husband and the cutest kid, but somehow it happened, and my life is phenomenal. And I guess that's all for now :)

A day at the beach

So, we are currently on Caleb's first trip out of Utah. He has done incredibly well; slept for at least 2/3 of the ride down, didn't cry when everyone's ears popped from the altitude change, and has been happy as usual. Unfortunately, yesterday, our first full day here in San Diego, he had a bit of a rough afternoon. We went to the beach. I suck his little feet I'm the water, but that was cold, so didn't make him very happy. But he was fine. And then I went to play and angie watched him for a bit. She's so cute with the little ones. But while I was playing he got hungry. And then he screamed.
So...I guess I never finished this one...but anyways, that's life.

Baby...

well, baby parties are going to happen. In just a couple of months. Pretty exciting, right? haha. My baby's supposed to come in a month. Laura's in 4 months, Cherry's in 6, Michelle's in maybe 7 or 8... not sure about that one... I should check. And Rachel's baby came last week :) Plus, Nikki's will be here in a few months, Logan's here, and... lots and lots of Babies.
My little man's been pretty active this morning. I think he misses his daddy... :) Matt's gone all weekend, to California for the reptile expo in LA. I'm kinda sad, but really, it's not a big deal. mostly means I can sleep whenever I want... and on whatever side of the bed I want... :) But I do miss him. That fellow's my favorite. but thank goodness it was now instead of in a couple of weeks-I wouldn't have let him go if it were any later. I will not have him be gone when I have this baby. He'll be with me, whether he likes it or not!
In other news, I still have 3 jobs, but now I'm cutting down my hours so my total will be closer to 15 hours a week instead of 40. which means much smaller paychecks, so that sucks. But... not working all the time will be nice. maybe I'll finally be able to shake this cold. And so far, my classes are fabulous. and my teachers are great. so, I can handle this whole thing. 

Baby Stuff.

http://apps.facebook.com/sweepstakeshq/contests/154757/invites/new?just_entered=true&show_newsfeed=1

I entered a sweepstakes for a bundle of baby stuff... Hope I can win it, cause this is all stuff I will be in desperate need of next February!
I'll post more later.

So Great Were The Blessings of The Lord

Chapter 17

Nephi is commanded to build a ship—His brethren oppose him—He exhorts them by recounting the history of God’s dealings with Israel—Nephi is filled with the power of God—His brethren are forbidden to touch him, lest they wither as a dried reed. About 592–591 B.C.

1And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and ^awade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our ^bwomen did bear children in the wilderness.

 2And so great were the ^ablessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon ^braw ^cmeat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.

 3And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and ^astrengthenthem, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did ^bprovide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.

Pretty Awesome, that we can absolutely depend on the Lord, even in cases of extreme hardship, when we keep His commandments and try to always continue in His ways.

 8And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto me, saying: Thou shalt ^aconstruct a ship, after the ^bmanner which I shall show thee, that I may carry thy people across these waters.

 9And I said: Lord, whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten, that I may make ^atools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?

 10And it came to pass that the Lord told me whither I should go to find ore, that I might make tools.

The Lord gives Commands-Like Multiply and Replenish the Earth. We may not have the resources we need or desire in order to do so, but if we ASK, The Lord knows exactly what we should do, where we should go, and He will provide.

 12For the Lord had not hitherto suffered that we should make much fire, as we journeyed in the wilderness; for he said: I will make thy food become sweet, that ye ^acook it not;

 13And I will also be your ^alight in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the ^bpromised land; and ye shall ^cknow that it is by me that ye are led.

Sometimes, we have to go without light for a time. But The Lord is leading us. He sometimes keeps us in the dark so we have more faith in Him.

This is pretty much exactly what I've needed the last few weeks. Struggling financially, feeling the burdens of living on my own and having to pay bills, pay for everything I want to do, pay for everything I need to do. It's rough. And, we're going to have a baby. Still 6 months away, but there are things that need to happen now. I've been questioning how we're going to get everything done and pay for it all. There are obviously things we can cut from our budget, things that we don't need to spend money on. But there are also things that are absolutely necessary, but take a lot of money. The school year's about to start again. We're both back down to 20 hours a week when that happens, cutting our income again. I'm looking for another job that will pay a little better and be closer to my life goals. But, things happen. We'll make it. We know that. But will we be able to make it good? I mean, of course it will be good. We'll be together. I will always be happy just to have my wonderful husband by my side. But... there's always that haunting question-will we be able to survive on our meager incomes? But reading through this scripture has just filled my heart and soul with the comfort I've been seeking. I know that we are doing what The Lord wants us to do. And we are working hard to provide for ourselves. He'll do the rest.

The Border Between Faith and Skepticism

Today, I was thinking about the Prophet in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time Series. The Prophet saw a vision, a man clothed in glory claiming to be the Dragon Reborn. It was, in fact, one of the Forsaken, spouting lies and convincing the Prophet to do awful, hurtful things that would contribute to the Chaos in the world. Of course, this makes no sense to one who is unfamiliar with the genius of Robert Jordan, but there are a lot of similarities between this tale and the religion that I have chosen to believe in. The Dragon is a being who brought chaos to the world in his first life, but managed to imprison the Lord of the Dark for a time, then died. Reborn, he is to bring salvation to the same world he once wracked in chaos, fighting the Dark Lord and freeing the world from his power. As a Christian, I believe that the Lord will come again to reign in glory and imprison Satan, bringing salvation to all the world. But is it possible to be entangled in the mess Satan is making, while believing you are doing the will of the Lord? Something similar happens in the Alvin Maker series by Orson Scott Card. The preacher has frequent visions in which he is told to destroy things that are in reality good, and to spread lies as truth. The "angel" he sees in vision is actually the great serpent-The Devil. I know these are both novels, and fiction, but I believe similar situations can happen in life. So, where do we draw the line? We are told to have complete faith, and that if we strive to know God now, when the time comes to meet Him face to face, we will recognize Him without fail. But at the same time, Satan, the Father of Lies, is incredibly good at deception. He can know what we picture God to look like, and can change His image to project our beliefs. At least I think so. So, at what point do we stop believing completely and begin to question the legitimacy of the beings in front of us? I am not, by any means, advocating blind faith. I think that everyone should come to a realization of what they believe wholly on their own, relying on their own knowledge, research, and feelings, hopefully with the spirit of God guiding them to find what's right. I guess, if I actually think a little bit, the answer is quite simple-question enough to know the answers, but don't take your questioning past the point of faith. It is incredibly possible to have faith while still questioning the important issues. I've done it my whole life.

Life, The Universe, and Everything

Life's a complicated thing. It never will cease to be complicated. You're always going to have to deal with the hassle of making and spending money, keeping a job (Or multiple jobs), building, keeping, breaking relationships. Sometimes, the things you want or need are impossible to have. Sometimes, the things you don't need, you don't realize or don't want. Sometimes, the world slaps you in the face. Other times, you can just be grateful. You can recognize the good.

I've had one of the most interesting semesters of my life this past winter semester. First off, I got married. Then, I was in a World Religions course and a Teachings of Isaiah course, in addition to my Psychology classes and a Music class. It was a very culturally enlightening semester. I still don't understand the appeal of modern art or why feminists feel the way they do, or how to counsel troubled children. But I understand a lot more about myself, about the way I interact with the world, and about the woman who I want to become. I think I've come closer this semester to becoming that woman. Through living with a man who I want to spend the rest of my life with and beyond, I've had to look at myself through a new set of eyes, working towards a more patient and loving demeanor. I'm sometimes not a very nice person. I wouldn't want to live with me a lot of the time if I wasn't me. It's been rough. but I'm learning. and my classes this semester have actually helped me learn how to be a better person, both to my husband and to everyone else.

Have you ever looked at the world through a lens totally different than the one you're used to? Have you asked questions, and tried to understand someone else's point of view? I've been doing that a lot lately. Though I don't understand sometimes how people can be as happy as is possible holding the views they have, I understand a lot more about why they have those views, and the reasoning behind their opinions and beliefs.

I've also been talking to my grandfather a lot lately. He is a Catholic, and I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which he will never ever be ok with. He's devoted much of his life to discrediting the leaders and foundations of my religion. And he usually tells true stories about what's happened in the history of my church. However, he is often misinformed, and because he will never listen with anything like an open mind, he'll never learn the truth of what I believe. I spent a lot of time asking him about his beliefs, and almost every time, he would say a sentence or two about his beliefs and then go on about why I am wrong. It's a hard thing to know that regardless of what you say, your grandfather, a man who should bring joy and love into his grandchildrens' lives, will consistently choose to say that you are totally wrong in your whole system of belief and life. I feel like I've studied things out, and I know the reasons I believe the way I do, and they're pretty valid in my mind. I'm not following blindly, but it feels like he thinks I am. It's just so funny because I am constantly asking him questions, trying to understand him, but he will never even make an effort to understand me. For a little bit, I felt like I was gaining his respect in a small way. But then I said one thing wrong and he shut himself off again. What a sad life to be so unwilling to bend. and so far distanced from everyone you should love and who loves you.

Another thing that happened this semester through my classes and self reflection is the goals I had and the plans I had for my life after college have gone Kaplooey. I realized that I don't want to study children. I love children. I want to play with children and help children. But doing research on them and testing them is not something I'm interested in doing for the rest of my life. I love learning about religions, and about peoples and cultures and motivations. I don't know how much I want to go to graduate school anymore. If I did go to graduate school, I think I would just want to study for the sake of learning. Which is great. but, expensive. If I could grow up and be a scholar and a parent and a teacher and a helper, I'd be fine with that. Maybe I'll just be on the PTA, make sure that the kids in my area have opportunities for good fun. I just don't know anymore. For so long I was so sure of what I wanted to do, the direction I was pointing my life in, and now... I don't know. I've been looking for jobs working with special education kids, I think that would make me really happy. Hopefully I'll get one.

The changes that have happened inside of my mind and self have been kind of huge this year. In the last twelve months, so many things have happened that have totally changed my life, and my outlook on life.

So, as life continues, I keep growing and learning. It's kind of an amazing thing that happens.

Oaks

I just stood a few feet from an apostle of the Lord. I was in the same room as him, just for a brief Moment. Elder Dallin H. Oaks is speaking today at the President's Meeting at BYU, and My boss is a department head, and she needed her computer. And I got to bring it up to her. That man is amazing. The spirit that emanates from all of the Lord's apostles is almost tangible. I stayed outside the door listening for a little bit, I couldn't for long because I had to get back to work. But I heard him speaking in an intimate and personal setting. Not to me. And all I got from what he was saying is that we need to uphold the Constitution, to live up to the standards the Founding Fathers set and had for this nation. But that's enough. He speaks for the Lord. Wow. So amazing. I'm so blessed to be in this place where apostles come regularly, to have the opportunity to see and hear them so regularly. A few weeks ago, I went to the Stake Conference for the stake Matt's cousins are in. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke. So strong and wonderful. I wasn't nearly as close to him-in fact almost a whole building's length. But the power of the Lord that he has with him Filled and enveloped that room. Two weeks ago, I got to watch General Conference. I heard many of the Lord's chosen apostles speak with power and goodness to fill my heart with gladness and my mind with inspiration. Last Sunday, at my own Stake Conference, Elder D. Todd Christofferson spoke in both sessions I was able to go to. He spoke about marriage, and life, and so much goodness. Nobody with an open heart and mind, being in the presence of these men, can deny that they speak with the power of God. They have that power in their souls, in their hearts, in their eyes. I'm so grateful for them, and for the opportunity that I have right now to be so often in their presence. It makes me even more excited to obey the commandments and keep my covenants and learn all that I can so that I can feel that same wonderful power from it's source-the Savior. When He comes again, I want to be ready. I want to be as perfect as I can be. I'm not there yet. I don't know nearly enough. But hopefully, right now, I'm closer than I was last year, or last month, or last week. I know that every day I work towards that goal, I get a little closer, just through having that desire. The days I don't work towards it, just standing still, is moving backwards. Because the Gospel is moving forward, and if I don't move forward with it every moment of every day, I'll be left in the dust. Every day brings us closer to the day when Christ will return to reign on the Earth, and with that every day, I need to bring myself closer to Him.I also had the amazing experience this semester of being in a "Teachings of Isaiah" Course. It has made the urgency in my mind sprout and grow, and the desire to become what Christ would have me be. All of my classes this semester have been so inspiring, and made me want to become something more than what I am, even more than what my own goals for myself have been.Speaking of Oaks. It's easy for me to see how people can decide to go with Paganistic religions. Because in Nature is the place it is easiest to feel God's presence. The problem is differentiating between God's presence in nature and Nature gods.

I'm so excited fo

r spring to finally be here. It's come and gone and come and gone, every week brings at least one more f

rost, but as soon as the frost is gone, most days, the world is beautiful and growing and warm and lovely. But it's always temporary. I can't wait. I love beauty and warmth, and it's starting to come.

Life is good.

The Lavender of Twilight

Sometimes you get the rare opportunity to view a true marvel. There are a few moments in twilight, between shades of blue, when the sky is pure lavender, framing the bare trees. The branches reach up, standing tall, but waiting until they can reach the sky. It is part of what makes winter beautiful. In those moments, there is no avoiding looking up, seeing the marvel that is the heavens, and searching deep within your soul. Are you standing tall, reaching, waiting, until you can be, as the trees, close to Heaven, framed perfectly by it? Made more beautiful than you ever could have known? In those moments, inner searching and reflection come together to form something intangible, unwritable. If I could record the thoughts of my heart as I walk in the twilight, or in the still of the morning, the poetry would be unmistakable. There would be no comparison to the art, because it would be a soul. Created by the greatest master of them all. God. He is the Master of Creation, of Art, of Beauty. His is the truest form of Beauty. But if the thoughts and feelings of my innermost soul could be written in a few words, they would cease in their sacred nature.
But, sadly, it is only a moment. The moment passes. The reflection comes to an end, as I’m faced once again with traffic, waiting, stop and go. Life sometimes moves a little too fast. If only there were a way to just stay out of life, away from all of the wordliness and hardship. Away from other people who are too busy to stop and look at the sky. If they could just learn. Even to take a moment to still your racing heart and mind is to take a brief look through God’s eyes. To see the Beauty that He made and remakes every day, every morning, every night. To see the clouds in the sky, the branches of the trees, the spectrum of colors the sky goes through in a matter of minutes. Keep that moment from passing.

What is it about twilight that so haunts us and intrigues us, compelling us to write about it, draw it, paint it, speak of it with such awe? It is the time of greatest mystery, cloaked in near darkness, the time when day transforms to night.

A few different things

Last night, my little sister had her first kiss. She's giddy about it. I love it. My other little sister is smarter than I ever will be, but she's ignoring her homework to the point that she's failing at midterms, her first year in high school. I don't know how she's living with herself right now. She says she'll get it in gear though, so I believe her. She's a good girl, just gotta figure out what has to come first. I should talk. Look at me, blogging when I should be researching, writing papers, and of course reading textbooks. Well. It'll happen. I'll get it done. I haven't written in my journal for forever. Like, since before I got married. PS, I got married 3 weeks ago. Married Life is pretty awesome. I'm thrilled that I get to spend each day and night with such a handsome and wonderful man. I have a really good life. :) I have an awesome job, that I like, with a really good boss. I'm not as healthy as I should be, but that can change. I'm working on that. Making good goals and stuff. I live 20 minutes walk away from school, across the street from church, across the street from the temple, and close to almost all of my closest friends. Life is going to have to work hard to get much better. (especially since the hiccups I've had the whole time I've been writing this post-and longer- are finally gone!) And That, my friends, is my story on this lovely Tuesday evening. Jelly-O